What's Up?

nothing is up...absolutely nothing.....life is what we make it i guess...i believe that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it...i am often misunderstood because i sometimes laugh at terrible situations...i think its just a self preservation mechanism.....my mom was like that too..we spent some of our best days together when she was in the hospital on her death bed...she was alot of fun...she even made a joke about how messy a bleedout is after she bled out....then she went into a coma...terrible, yes. she was a beautiful woman and the smartest person i ever met....i wonder why she hooked up with my dad....she said he was alot of fun, but i guess i never saw that side....hes only been impatient and picky as far as i know.....hes a generous guy that would give you the shirt off your back, but hes also the type that wont let you forget that he gave you the shirt off his back..he is a military man and everything has to be done his way or its wrong...there isnt any other way to do things than his way and thats it......you know those kind of parents that tell you in one breath how wonderful you are and in the next breath you are worthless....thats them...no wonder we never did anything with our lives...no wonder im sitting here typing letters to myself...haha..and to find out after all this time that my siblings hate me and always have, just because my dad took their mom away...was not my fault i was born...and 40 years is a long time to hold a grudge, isnt it?...i always thought i was going to be a famous singer when i was growing up...its funny how real life changes the hopes and dreams of children as they grow...maybe still someday..where is that supportive family i was supposed to have? and why didnt i ever have the nerve to go get things in life i wanted? i love my husband and children and grandchildren.....i hope to be a better or at least more consistent role model for them...and if im not, i hope they have enough brains not to let other people hold them back from the dreams they have...life is too short to let people put you down and suck the life out....live....the meaning of life is to live.